Time, is a funny thing isn't it... I'm just in the middle of "The World According to Physics" by Jim Al-Khalili and time really, really is a funny thing. But you don't need a book to tell you that. Anna and I have now lived in Austria for just shy of ten months! It's astonishing. How can it seem like yesterday that we first sat on the balcony in our first apartment, when it's nearly a year? And yet we're properly settled in to our new pad, surrounded by familiar things and into a routine that might suggest we've been here a lot longer. (Despite it being a year, my German remains pretty ropey, but I'm getting there... Or at least, I'm getting somewhere anyway).

Well, "What has been going on?" you might ask. When I jotted down some notes for this I realised just how busy we have been since I last posted. We've even left the country on several occasions, which still feels pretty odd. We were in the UK for Christmas and I also managed a sneaky trip back in November for a crumpet. But it's been particularly odd for Anna who has been to Japan for work, but wasn't allowed out of her hotel room other than to attend meetings! They even had to return to their hotel rooms alone for lunch. The only bit of fresh air on a week's trip was seeing the ocean from the beach at Fukushima! She and colleagues head back today and the same restrictions will apply. It's a sound reminder of the very varied experiences around the world as people try to move on from COVID (my one and only mention!).

We also got away for a fab holiday in Venice and the Dolomites. This really was the stuff we moved to Europe for. We went on the sleeper train, which of course I should have called the "Overnight Train" because sleeping is very much optional on those things... Venice took me by surprise and I hope we get to return someday, whilst the Dolomites just took my breath away. The scenery is staggering and the Autumn colours brought it vividly to life. If you have the chance, just go!

In other news... I've been thinking about confidence a lot lately. Things started to feel quite tough towards the end of 2021, partly I think because of some stumbling over how I spend the time whilst Anna is at work. Having a job performs many functions, which are, of course different for different people: income, direction, fulfilling a dream, making a difference, companionship, distraction, identity, reason. Looking in/back I can even see it as a sort of comfort blanket. Towards the end of last year, I started to get an insight into how not having a job is so much more than not having an income. And one thing that I could really notice was my confidence drifting away, which of course is the last thing you need if you're getting to get out of such a spot! Me and confidence have a fairly dodgy relationship at the best of times and spending a huge amount of time out of my comfort zone has been quite a challenge.

I know I have a role in supporting Anna (which I think I am doing quite well). And lots of people have, with all of the right intentions, suggested that I "need to make sure I enjoy myself". This is a kind message. However, I find it hard to do when Anna is working super-hard for long days in the office trying to make a difference. It's just not really my style to go out and enjoy myself when the other half of "team Clark" can't.

Now, no-one is depending on me getting a job; indeed, many would see my position as a luxury. But just imagine how hard it must be for someone who has a family that depends on them to have a job, if they don't have one. All that extra pressure they would feel must be incredibly tough and for those people that are managing a situation like that or have managed themselves out of such a situation, they have my total admiration. Anna and I wanted a change so that we keep learning; this has been unexpected learning, but it feels very valuable.

So anyway! I am feeling much better now, which is the result of a few things, from the deep-and-meaningful to the purely administrative; with talking to people at the top of the list. I talked to Anna of course, and was honest with friends and family from back home and it was good to talk some of this stuff through. In particular there were three conversations with a family member who was in a similar fix, albeit in a completely different way. Little did they know that we were talking about me as much as we were talking about them! (I don't think I knew at the time either... ha!) Seeing your own situation reflected in someone else was incredibly helpful and a good exercise in "what would you tell a friend who was in your situation?". (They have moved forward too, which is great!).

At the other end of the scale, I now have a timetable for my week. I don't feel the need to stick to it rigidly, but having a default structure to lean on is really helpful and is a solid path to feeling like I'm getting stuff done. Amongst other things, it has really helped me make some progress in setting myself up as a consultant (which you may or may not have seen elsewhere - www.hopegill.uk). Away from work, Anna and I have also put some concerted effort into making some new friends here in Vienna, which (unsurprisingly) has been great! But how can it still be so hard when you're in your 40s...?!?! That fear of rejection is always lurking in the background I guess. We've met some fab people though and had some good evenings and days out.

And then, there is having some fun of course. We didn't come here to find an apartment, put up curtains and have a job. We came here to do stuff! And in the last three months we've finally got ourselves into gear: we've watched an international tennis tournament; we've visited Christmas markets; we walked to Anna's work in lovely white snow (apparently a rare treat in Vienna); we invested in some winter kit and have been snowshoeing and skiing (on day trips from our home!); and last week we finally made it to the StaatsOper where we saw some ballet! This is more like what our move was supposed to be about and it's starting to feel that we'll be able to share it with some of you soon, which we are really looking forward to.

I hope you and yours are all well and if you made it to the end of this blog, you have my admiration too!

P.s. A massive thanks to everyone who looked after us in any way over Christmas. We had a great time and it was fantastic to catch up with so many of you.